i wish my penis had a tongue
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
