I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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