Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize
