so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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