Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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