2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
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