I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Randomize
