that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
