everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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