Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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