Betty ford says i'm here all night
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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