Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
