Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Houston, we have a squirter
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
