i think my mom watched the whole time
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
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