How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
