if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I came so hard my ears popped.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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