I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
