Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
