So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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