I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
