i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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