Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
