I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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