i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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