idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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