I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
