yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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