I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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