I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
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