Grow some girl-balls and come out already
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
