I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
