you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
