got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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