and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
