that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
