I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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