I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
