My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
