dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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