Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
