I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
