Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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