At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Randomize
