She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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