so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize
