Pappa wants mamma naked
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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