Swine flu. Run for my life!
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Randomize
