Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
