I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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