If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
