You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
